O Green World

So we all know that paper towels and Kleenex are super convenient. Got a mess? No problem. Just wipe it up and throw it away. Well as fast and wonderful as paper tissues, napkins, and towels seem, they really are a crappy solution.

The concept is simple enough: towels and tissues are made out of paper in massive quantities and distributed to be used as single-use items and disposed. While this sounds rational and benign, it really is quite insane.

All these paper products come from trees which, though they are a renewable resource, are not a permanent resource. A lot of people like to say “Oh man what are you crying about? Trees grow back you idiot!” While it’s true that trees grow back, they don’t grow back very fast and it doesn’t help that the land where trees once grew on gets destroyed and developed either for commercial or agricultural purposes. 

The United States has lost a large amount of its forests and maintains much of its intact woodlands by progressive conservation efforts. Unfortunately, Third World countries don’t have the luxury of commercial economies and rely on timber has a valuable export. As the population of the world grows one can only imagine the blistering rate that these nations must cut and sell trees in order to quench the commercial world’s insatiable hunger for paper products.

Now I know that a lot of these paper products come from recycled paper which is cool but not totally awesome. See, even if the creation of these products isn’t destroying trees, it still is consuming a massive amount of energy. From the manufacturing energy expenditures, to the amount of the material wasted to package these material, to the carbon emissions released from shipping the products and bringing them to landfills, the cost to use these cheap, disposable products is amazing.

Of course, we don’t see how wasteful and senseless this kind of behavior is because we only see that one tissue or towel we use each not time, not the hundreds and thousands we throw out in the course of lifetimes.

So what’s the solution to soothe the sighs of sickness and restore sanity? Do like they did in the olden tymes and use a handkerchief. Yes that’s right. A handkerchief.

It’s simple and it’s obvious. Handkerchiefs and towels are infinitely better than their paper counterparts. Why? Because they’re reusable, washable, resilient, and potentially much more fashionable.

Did you know that when Kleenex first sold their tissues they marketed them for use exclusively as products for makeup removal? They never imagined that there was a market for disposable facial tissues and only began marketing them as such because they found people were blowing their noses with them.

While it seems that there is a market for these wasteful products, they really shouldn’t be. Today, handkerchiefs are considered outdated and unhygienic (I’ve been met with more than a few raised eyebrows). Seriously, people these days are too squeamish. People have been doing it for years. The Black Death was transmitted because people were putting boogers in cloths that they held in their pockets.

Cloth handkerchiefs won’t kill you but paper ones might.

Ok, so I’ll admit that blowing your nose in a handkerchief can seem pretty gross and off-putting. At first I wasn’t too sure about it myself. But hey, there’s good news! Handkerchiefs are washable! Say you’re out on the town and you have to sneeze and you reach for your hanky. ACHOO! Oh no, you got your cloth a bit icky! But it’s okay because luckily it’s big enough that you can wrap it all up in a nice bundle and tuck it away. When you get home, you can wash it nice and good and then hang it up to dry. What a great system!

If at first you’re not ready to make the cross over from paperless sanitation patrol, you don’t need to use it to blow your nose. I find my hanky makes an excellent hand towel after I wash my hands. When I’m in a public restroom I can use it instead of wasting paper towels or wasting energy for those silly hand dryers. 

Seriously, handkerchiefs are just handy to have on you. Spilled some wine? Hanky! Cut your hand and need an impromptu bandage? Hanky! Need something to wear to protect your head from the sun? Hanky!

If you’ve read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, you know that you should never leave the house without a towel. As long as you have a towel, you’re ready for anything. And if don’t have a towel, make sure you at least have a hanky.

And you know what? Handkerchiefs are stylish. I’m totally bringing them back. It’s retro and chic. It’s totally handy to keep one on you in case you feel like playing the bandito in a game of cops or robbers. Or if you feel like playing the freedom fighter in a war of cops and protestors.

So in summary: paper towels, Kleenex, and paper napkins are stupid. Cloth towels, handkerchiefs, and cloth napkins are awesome. Don’t use disposable paper or plastic products (plastic silverware, paper plates, plastic cups, etc.) when there is a perfectly good reusable facsimile available. 

Y’all get a pass on toilet paper.

But make sure, whenever you use toilet paper and, god forbid, if you ever just have to use paper towels or tissues, make sure that, in the name of all that’s green and good, it’s made from 100% recycled paper. The Earth will thank you.